Safety First: It’s Okay to Wait Before You Tell Everyone You’re Gay
Sometimes telling people about your sexuality takes time, and that’s okay.
I’ve been living in another country for a couple of months now, and surviving mind you. Aside from the difference in weather — I’m from the Philippines, and Toronto’s weather is killing me — there is an obvious difference in culture.
As you may have figured out, this article is focused on being part of the LGBTQ+ community. When my socially awkward ass actually started making friends here in a foreign land, of course, the dating life questions started to arise:
“Do you have a boyfriend at home?”
they would ask. I would normally just shrug, smile, and act coy about it like I’ve got something to hide.
But of course, I do not. I’m gay as Las Vegas and dry as the Sahara desert.
I would tell people what I actually identify as though, it’s definitely not a secret:
A couple of people have asked me:
“What’s it like being gay in the Philippines?”
I’m very lucky to be in a country where I feel like it’s progressing in terms of being more open and accepting of the LGBTQ+ community.
It’s not that we don’t get hated or made fun of but I feel like times are changing and tolerance will hopefully lead to acceptance and then normalization.
I’m also very blessed that I have friends who don’t make someone’s sexuality a big deal because I personally don’t want to be fully defined by it. I get that some people do want that to be the case and of course, that is well respected.
My first queer friend
I’ve been wanting to check out some of the gay bars around downtown, I literally walked past a street full of them multiple times but didn’t have the courage to go by myself — I really do wish I was that kind of person.
I did walk into a coffee shop/bookstore catered to the community. Don’t ask me, I found it on Google.
I went inside and looked around, there were pretty girls sitting at the bar and I didn’t know how to order because I cannot figure out who works there so I just went to the shelves, and pretended to check out a book for a while and left.
WEIRDO.
I pushed the thought of making a friend in the community aside and just told myself it would happen naturally, and it did.
I met my first queer friend through another friend who ditched class:
The three of us climbed a small hill, smoked, and watched the sunset and it was beautiful.
We were casually talking and I asked her a question that I’m struggling to remember but her response made the haze evaporate from my body. She answered:
“Bold of you to assume I like guys.”
She was right. That was pretty bold of me to assume and I could not be happier that I’m wrong.
I asked her what it’s like to be queer in her home country. She smiled as we watched the sunset.
“People can get killed if they’re openly gay. Gay men are not allowed to serve in the military and my ex-girlfriend was beaten by her father before getting kicked out of the house because she was with me.”
I looked at her and I saw how she was struggling to contain her range of emotions, and that’s where it hit me.
I know that just because people have it worse doesn’t mean what I went through wasn’t hard but sometimes my focus is on how bad things are for me that I forget to count my blessings.
“I wish we just kept quiet or waited until the right time instead of being edgy and thinking we could overcome anything. Maybe things would’ve been different.” She continued.
Be safe before coming out
We talked over a pot with the sun saying goodbye about each other’s lives and different experiences.
With all the things said, at the end of our conversation, we had a mutual understanding that if we both could’ve, we would’ve come out differently.
If someone who plans on coming out is reading this, please make sure you’re physically, mentally, and emotionally safe before pushing through.
I know that feeling when you just want to scream to the world that thing whether you’ve been hiding it for a long time or you just recently discovered it about yourself but your safety should come first above all else.
PS: The term ‘gay’ was used as an umbrella term to refer to the community as a whole.
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