Can You Go Back to the Closet Once You’re Out?
Yes, this is about gender identity.
Here’s one for an interesting opener: I don’t dwell on my gender identity as much as I think I should, or as much as people would care to know.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again:
I’m not loud and proud about being part of the LGBTQ+.
Now, before you light your torches and burn my house down, it’s not because I don’t like who I am nor do I have something against the community. This is just the way I am.
I like to keep my personal things tightly zip locked. So, you won’t be seeing me screaming at the top of Mount Everest that I’m pansexual.
Also, I believe there’s more to people than their gender. I’m not saying you can’t be proud of it or that it’s bad to be vocal about your gender identity.
All I’m saying is, although supporting each other is important, we are still individuals with different personalities and ways of handling our own lives, and keeping my personal life personal is my way.
Gender identity
According to Human Rights Campaign, gender identity is one’s innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither — how individuals perceive themselves and what they call themselves. One’s gender identity can be the same or different from their sex assigned at birth.
Gender identity is something I’ve struggled with growing up. I had childhood friends that use the word “gay”, “tomboy”, and “lesbian” as term to derogate or bully someone.
I also grew up in a religious and traditional household. You know how it usually is — it’s either black or white; if you’re gray, it’s considered a sin.
Coming out of the closet
In a survey done in 2018 by Bespoke Surgical, they found that over a third of LGBTQ+ people (35.6%) felt that coming out of the closet was a negative process. 44.3% overall reported it as positive, with millennials even more likely to say so, which is a trend we hope continues.
The most common reason LGBTQ+ individuals were or are apprehensive to come out is familial tension, isolation, or estrangement, which is not surprising but definitely saddening.
Am I out of the closet yet?
I knew I liked girls too at a very young age but brushed it off, just like anything that would cause a kerfuffle with anyone — I’m not a very confrontational person.
At the age of 16, I knew that I was pansexual. I saw a post on Tumblr that defines different genders, and I distinctly remember having an epiphany. I just muttered to myself:
“Oh, that’s what I am.”
It was a great feeling: finally knowing what to call yourself; even if I generally don’t like labels.
I went on my first date with a girl when I was in college. No one knew that I was pansexual even then. I came out to my best friend when I was about 19. She just shrugged it off — which is the most amazing response to me.
In terms of my family, when I first started dating (a guy) when I was about 15, I remember them telling me how relieved they were because they thought I was gay — which, I am. I cried to my best friend that day — there were no questions asked about why.
So no, I haven’t told them that I’m part of the LGBTQ+ community, and quite frankly, I don’t think I have to.
I’m 24 years old and self-assured.
I’m not afraid of what they’ll say if I marry someone other than a man someday. They’ll be surprised, sure.
But I’m not changing who I am, and who I am isn’t just my gender: I work hard and I try to be kind to people regardless of race, religion, or gender, and those are the things that I’m proud of.
I’ll go back in the closet if I want to
I once was invited to a party where I barely knew anyone, and this guy started talking about how there are only 2 genders and how he doesn’t care about how others label themselves.
Normally, I don’t hang out with assholes like that but there I was — just keeping my mouth shut and drinking free booze.
Sometimes the most intelligent path to take is to ignore. You can’t please everyone and if something’s out of your control, it’s best to just let it go.
I’m not hiding my gender identity to anyone, but also, no one is entitled to know about it — not my family or my friends.
I have friends ask me about it and I tell them the truth, and if my family wants to know, I respect that and I’ll tell them, but knowing them, they won’t so I won’t.
Sometimes I’m back inside the closet and sometimes I’m out just aimlessly wandering outside.
If anyone is struggling with coming out to people they care about, I won’t tell you what to do, but whatever you choose to do, make sure it’s your decision and not because of societal pressure — make sure it’s your truth.
