As a Pansexual, This Is How I Want to Be Asked About My Sexuality
I’m a firm believer that a person’s gender or even sexuality is no one’s business except with that person’s approval.
When I first meet people, I know they’re curious about what my gender is. I’m not just assuming this, this is a fact — this happened at work, during college, or just whenever my friends bring someone new to the circle.
I used to get asked a lot in college if I was on our varsity team because of my height (I’m tall for a Filipina, okay?) and my athletic build.
Of course I respond with ‘yes’, which my friends and I found funny because I’m as clumsy as a three-year old. They won’t even let me carry a tray with drinks on it.
That clumsy.
I was raised by a single dad and I think the world of him — maybe that’s why I walk like a dude and am comfortable about being the only girl around.
To tell you, the readers, the truth, I can count with one hand how many people I’ve talked to about my gender — it’s not because I’m shy about it or I’m afraid to be harassed, which really do happen — gender-based hate crimes are real, people!— it’s because my gender is mine and mine alone.
I’m not loud and proud about being pansexual, I’m non-chalant and I value privacy in my personal affairs.
It’s not the ‘term’ I like to keep private, it’s the life I’m trying to live.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s definitely okay to be loud and proud about your gender and sexuality — it’s just not the kind of person I am.
A couple of months ago, I was hanging out in a garage with my friends as usual, there were four of us and one of my friends’ cousin that just came back from the high seas — that was the first time I met the guy.
He was friendly and funny, we got along well; I’m guessing it’s thanks to the bottles of rum we’ve been drinking all night.
I stood up from my chair to go to the bathroom, I guess he thought I was out of earshot when he asked my friends,
“So what’s her deal?”
It’s not our first rodeo, it’s not the first time they were asked that same question. Although, my friends aren’t the type to talk about things like that and generally can’t be bothered by what my gender is.
I think we just like each other for who we are as people. I’m happy about that, it’s what’s important.
I honestly wouldn’t get mad if they talked about it, but like I said, I can only count with one hand how many people actually know my gender.
I’m not even sure if they know what a pansexual is, to be honest.
As per their respond to the seafarer’s question, I didn’t hear it nor do I have to. They probably just said something super dumb — I love my friends.
but if you don’t know what pansexual means, here it is:
What does it mean to be pansexual?
To put this simply, pansexuality is being emotionally, sexually, and/or romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender and sexuality.
People that are pansexual often refer to themselves as gender-blind.
Not that hard to grasp, right?
Others often mistake pansexuality for bisexuality but that shouldn’t be the case— bi means two, pan stands for pancakes.
Kidding, it comes from the Ancient Greek word ‘all’ or ‘every’, thus, pansexuals are open to relationships with people who do not identify themselves as strictly man or woman.
As a pansexual, how do I want to be asked about my sexuality?
The real and short answer to this question is: I don’t.
But if there’s a gun pointed at your head and you really must know, I’d rather you just ask me like it’s the most natural thing in the world — like asking what my name is.
I don’t like it when people make a big deal of anything that has to do with me, I like my life zip locked.
But that’s just me right? What about others in the LGBTQ+?
This isn’t a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. If straight people — men and women don’t like being generalized then neither do we.
I can’t speak for anyone else other than for myself, that’s nowhere near my place, but if you choose to ask what a person’s gender or sexuality is, I hope you be kind, respectful and sensitive about it.
