A Guide to Sucking at Romantic Relationships
Brought to you by someone who constantly fails at them
In all honesty, I was thinking of writing an article about how to be a good relationship partner or something to that extent but I quickly realized there were two problems with that endeavor:
1. My lack of experience in relationships
In all of my almost twenty-four years of living on this planet, I have only been in one serious relationship — and yes, it’s with a man.
Looking at this numerically, it’s not that bad right? I mean it’s 1 in 24 years, surely there must be someone out there who’s more inexperienced than I.
There’s a movie called The 40-Year-Old Virgin, that must be true for at least one person out of approximately 7 billion people alive right now.
Long story short, I met this guy on this dating app called Tinder. We were together for 3 long years and now we’re not.
2. I literally suck at romantic relationships
I’m the kind of person who’s good at any other relationship except for romantic ones — I’m not fishing for anything here or asking for some pats on the back, it’s true, I suck at dating.
You can ask my only ex-boyfriend; I would do it for you except he blocked me on Facebook.
I don’t date a lot either but from time to time I do indulge myself with the activity — your girl needs cuddles too.
Pillow talk with someone I used to date
The last person I dated is a writer as well. A couple of days ago, I received a message from him after a long time of not talking. He was asking if I know any writing gigs he can get into.
Three hours later, I was on his bed drinking beer with him — as you can see, I make the best life decisions.
We were stretched on his made-up bed, beer in hand, and for some dumb reason our topic went from Dragon Ball Z to why we didn’t work out as a couple.
What could possibly go wrong from talking about our incapability to make a relationship work?
Apparently, a lot of it was my fault. He’s not wrong, I deeply self-reflect and I know what I need to work on and my short comings. My first instinct, of course, was to write about them.
Here’s a guide to sucking at romantic relationships from someone who fails at them over and over again:
1. Let your lack of good role-model in relationships affect yours
If you’ve read some of my works then you probably know that I was raised by a single dad — I wouldn’t have it any other way but he’s not the best role-model in romantic relationships.
He’s the best dad in the whole world though.
As per the writer I dated, he did say I don’t know a good relationship if it hits me on my head.
2. Be extremely cynical
Cynicism is part of my programming and it’s not something I feed in my life, I honestly do try my hardest to give the world a proper chance — the benefit of the doubt.
It’s just so hard these days, almost everyone is dating two people at once and that just doesn’t sit well with me. It has become such a norm that I’m afraid that my loyal-ass would just get played.
I instantly back out of relationships whenever I sniff something that isn’t right, which is dumb because I know nobody is perfect.
3. Be so afraid to get hurt that you don’t try at all
As someone with anxiety disorder, I value my peace of mind above most things in life.
People in relationships will no doubt hurt each other even unintentionally and I’m genuinely scared of it.
I bet money I can take down a 6'5 guy with my bare fist but my emotions are another thing — I’m emotionally delicate and that had hindered me to pursue relationships all my life.
4. Overthink everything
Nothing good really comes out of overthinking but it’s a defense mechanism to protect my feelings.
Having walls up is a smart move, personally speaking, but if it’s a giant castle that literally no one can climb then it becomes a problem.
Overthinking brings problems into relationships that aren’t there in the first place. It can withheld couples from fully enjoying each other’s company.
5. Rushing things with your partner
Now, my hands are clean with this one. I have a hard time jumping into relationships, how could I have possibly rushed things with exes?
I usually hear this over a few drinks with my friends, that the person they’re dating wants to move faster than what they’re ready for.
Talk things out and figure out if you’re both on the same page. Give each other the space needed to naturally put themselves in the same box as you.
This can save you the future heartbreak. Don’t be like that one girl who were screaming outside of my friend’s house at 2 AM.
Relationships are hard work — we’ve only seen Cinderella’s happy ever after but what happens when Prince Charming forgets to put down the toilet seat?
It’s important for us to reflect what we need to work on as individuals. The reason why I’ve only been in one relationship is because I don’t want to bring a lot of negativity in another person’s life.
If I’m not okay and ready, why should I enter a relationship that should involve maturity and a better mental health than what I currently have?
