3 Life Lessons from My (Very) Messy Roommate
He won’t wipe the stovetop but he did catch a spider for me — that makes up for it, right?
Before I moved to Canada in 2020, I was seeing multiple psychiatrists back home. I was having frequent anxiety attacks.
There’s a guilt that comes with leaving your country — your family. It felt like I was running away, and I was.
That was 2 years ago.
As harsh as it may sound, I soon realized that you can’t run away from the problem if the problem is you.
It’s like everywhere I go, there I am.
One of the things I feel grateful for on this crazy adventure in Canada is the people that I’ve met.
Particularly my roommates and friends. I call them my chosen family in Canada but they’re guys so they just gave me a disgusted look when they first heard me say it.
More than 2 years together and they’ve gotten better at hearing it.
Living together with 2 guys
Our house isn’t the kind of messy that you would say is disgusting. Actually, most of the time we keep it clean.
The problem always comes in the kitchen when everyone is in a cooking mood.
For some reason, it’s hard for one particular roommate to clean the kitchen after cooking. Especially when most of what we make has a lot of sauce.
But, that roommate has killed a spider for me. He’s gotten me my favorite tea without asking and has even offered to pay my rent when PayPal was down.
I’ve had many life lessons. Sometimes I think it’s too many. One of those, I’d say is,
“We are not just one thing.”
We are not our mistakes nor our rights. Just like my roommate is more than the mess he makes.
3 life lessons I’ve learned from my messy roommate
- For every basic thing an adult doesn’t know, is a child who wasn’t taught.
On one of the rare occasions that all 3 of my roommates and I are home, we found ourselves in the kitchen making dinner together.
The feeling could’ve passed as home. A big deal for single immigrants.
I asked my roommate to put the chicken inside the oven.
He looked at me and smiled. It’s his first time using an oven, he says.
Many moons after that, when we were hanging out in our backyard too loudly at midnight, I made a bad joke that would’ve canceled me if I have anything even resembling popularity.
To that joke, he laughed and replied, “it’s because we ate a lot of take-outs, no mom remember?”
That broke my heart.
2. If it’s not harming anyone, what is the big deal?
That was his response to me and our other roommate when we told him to always wipe the stove after cooking.
Truthfully, it was just me who has an issue with it. Our other roommate was there because you know… moral support.
Sometimes, I admit it I like things a certain way. Maybe a little too much.
But who doesn’t want a clean house, right?
Although that made me reflect on a specific thing about myself — I’m too self-centered.
If I have to choose the best thing about living in Toronto, it’s that it’s full of people from different backgrounds.
You will learn about other cultures, and you will learn to respect them. Still some, only outside their homes.
In short, I need to chill out because if it’s truly not harming anyone, what’s the big deal?
3. Cleanliness isn’t only next to godliness, it’s also 15 minutes away or less
I admit coming from a very traditional Christian family I would have a lot of religious jokes.
My readers and friends back in 2019 would know, but that’s another story.
Once upon a time in a messy house at Pape and Danforth, there were 3 roommates — a Christian, a Buddhist, and a Sikh.
The punchline? I can never tell.
It did however lead to a rabbit hole of arguments about our responsibilities around the house, and how everyone has the time to clean but nothing is.
We were pointing fingers at each other until 15 minutes later when my roommate (the very one) yelled, “We could’ve spent this 15 minutes cleaning.”
It only took another 15 minutes for us to clean the house.
As a fully grown adult, I still struggle with making time to clean my personal space but I always think about that day and just whisper to myself “15 minutes.”
If I could just clean for that amount of time it would make a difference.
Lonely but not alone together
Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck as a stranger in a foreign land. I guess in many ways, I am.
What makes it bearable though, are my roommates — having a support system, a chance to be social at home in a restricted world, and our drunken nights.
These life lessons I’ve learned from my messy roommate are just a fraction of what is possible if you truly get to know a person.
Getting to know people was tough for my younger self, but she would be thrilled to know we’re getting better at it.
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